A Really Tasteful and Respectful Radio Play About A Completely Fictional Television Show
Bill O’Bully – A famous Right Wing Television Commentator
Mishrill Merkin – A former reporter turned Internet 2.0 media entrepreneur and blogosphere eyecandy blogmistress. Pronounced “my shrill MURR kin“
Barbie Kewpie – A former Democratic consultant, now makes her money appearing as a “consultant” on the O’Bully Show and writing for periodicals and publishing houses owned by the same people that own O’Bully’s Network (and who publish HIS books, syndicate his radio show, publish Merkin’s books, etc. etc.).
VOX NOOZ TRANSCRIPT THE Bill O’BULLY SHOW 30 JULY 2007
O’BULLY: And we’re back in the ‘No Win Zone.’ … Anonymous Left wing hate has been completely ignored by the liberal imperious sovereign media, and here with us to discuss it is our resident VOX NOOZ expert, Mishrill Merkin. What say you, Mishrill?
MERKIN: Wonderful to see you, Bill.
O’BULLY: Mishrill, your blog today continues to follow the story of that soldier in Iraq who wrote all those horrible things about our troops. What wrote you, Mishrill?
MERKIN: We’ve started a parody writing contest, Bill. It’s based on this FABULOUS parody that was written by blogger Slime Seeker on anonymous writing by the left and how hateful it is.
O’BULLY: That sounds hilarious, Mishrill. How laugh you?
MERKIN: Oh, we’ve already had some side-splitting stories. One that comes to mind is PatriotWho KillsLiberals “Why I killed Vince Foster” by “HC.” Another zany laff riot is KillAllLiberals’ short short story, “Why I want to skull-fuck that soldier puke I don’t even think exists in the hole I’d blow in him with my illegal assault rifle.”
O’BULLY: Isn’t that a little close to Ted Nugent’s most recent editorial in the Wall Street Journal — “Why we should kill all the liberal writers”? How answer you, Mishrill?
MERKIN: His Nuge-ifocity [NOO ji FAAS ih TEE] wasn’t talking about anonymous liberal bloggers, Bill. He was talking about liberal writers, which is a completely different thing. KillAllLiberals was challenging the cowardly ANONYMOUS bloggers who spew their hate-filled venomous stuff that puts them in league with Al Qaeda terrorists and slits the throats of our brave troops in their sleep.
O’BULLY: Come on, Mishrill. Are the liberal bloggers really any kind of threat? What fear you?
MERKIN: Well, if you just look at how they’ve destroyed the free market with their antitrust laws, their labor unions, their anti-child-labor laws and their health and safety laws, you’ll see what a menace that liberals are, Bill. They only look pathetically weak and ineffectual. But so are moths, but they can ruin sweaters if you don’t have the balls to deal with them.
O’BULLY: You’re of course speaking about moth balls.
MERKIN: That’s right Bill.
O’BULLY: Let’s bring in a Liberal Democratic Consultant who is a regular here in the “No Win Zone,” Barbie Kewpie, activist and lawyer.
KEWPIE: Thank you Bill, I …
O’BULLY: Barbie, you’ve stated in the past (now that you’re writing for our fine publications and working for us as a consultant) that anonymous liberal bloggers are not the great threat that they’re made out to be. How can you defend that? What say you?
KEWPIE: Thank you Bill, I …
MERKIN: That’s simply not true, Bill. I’ve warned again and again of the danger of liberal bloggers. Last week, you’ll remember, a rabid blogger bit the announcer at a NASCAR event. And the endless hatespeech from the liberal blogger “Taliban” has deeply hurt Ann Coulter’s feelings. What kind of heartless baby-murderers are these anonymous liberal bloggers? They won’t be satisfied until they have silenced every other voice, and turned the internet into the moonbat fairyland of Blogistan.
KEWPIE: Bill, I …
O’BULLY: You’ll get your turn, (sarcastic) MIZ Kewpie. What say you, Mishrill Merkin?
MERKIN: They hate our troops, our Jesus and our way of life. They hate us for our freedom. Their mothers wore army boots.
O’BULLY: (With unmasked sarcasm): Miz Kewpie?
KEWPIE: Bill, I …
O’BULLY: Mishrill, you had something you wanted to say?
MERKIN: No, Bill. But as long as you’re asking, I believe that anonymous liberal bloggers gave Barry Bonds steroids, planted controlled demolition charges in the Twin Towers on 9-11, cause the sinking of Titanic and drown puppies for fun.
O’BULLY: What say you, MIZ Kewpie?
KEWPIE: Bill, I …
O’BULLY: Well, that’s where we’ll have to leave it. We’re outta time for this segment. What want you, Mishrill?
MERKIN: [all the “bl”s should lead to semi-babbling incoherence] I just wanted to say that my NEW blook is for sale on my blog, about the dangers of blig government and anonymous liberal bloggers: ALL LIBERALS SHOULD HAVE A HEART ATTACK AND DIE ALREADY. I wrote it in collaboration with my good friends LittleGreasyTurdballs, Hairlessnads and VillanesSumPump. It’s must reading for all concerned Christian, Patriotic True Americans.
O’BULLY: Thank you Mishrill. You are, without a doubt, American’s favorite Merkin. How reciprocate you?
MERKIN: Thank you, Bill. You are the most incisive voice in television, and the handsomest man on radio.
O’BULLY: [Drumming fingers on desk] AND ….?
MERKIN: And the O’Bully Method for Kids is just the best book ever, Bill. I’ve been reading a chapter to my son every night at bedtime, and little Vlad just loves it. He’s stopped pestering me for money for his candy and comic books, and I have to thank you for that.
And for writing that *wonderful* book, which I’m also selling on my website along with my new book, . I wish I could carry some of the really AMAZING “no win zone” gear you’ve got on YOUR site, W W W DOT BILL O’Bully DOT com.
O’BULLY: This old salty dog thanks you. And thank you Democratic Liberal Consultant Barbie Kewpie. Just because you’re from the other side of the aisle doesn’t mean that you can’t be bootylicious. And you are.
KEWPIE: Thank you, Bill, I ….
MERKIN: She’s completely full of crap, as usual.
O’BULLY: There you have it. Balanced and fair. Next up, how pantywaist liberals are threatening anonymous conservative bloggers with “outing.” Is this another hellish checklist item on the homosexual agenda?
And, later in the show, The O’Bully Report takes a “no win zone” look at four-eyed pansy sissy boys in our schools. Are they giving Conservatives their lunch money WITHOUT putting up enough of a fight? Will our next generation of Conservatives be aggressive enough to inherit America’s future without the “school of hard knocks” training that guys like me got on the schoolyard playground? God I miss those days.
What watch you, America? We’ll be right back.
[REALLY LOUD screeching fanfare. Overdone, almost Rococco graphic in Red, White & Blue motif. Various noisy electronic clutter dancing everywhere on the screen. Cut to Commercial.]
AUTHOR’S NOTE: The aforementioned transcript is completely fictional. To see a Really Tasteful and Respectful picture of a Koran in a toilet, see the Michelle Malkin (no relation) blog.