Sunday Humor

Via an email from a reader: Sayings of the Jewish Buddhist: 

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

Drink tea and nourish life :  with the first sip, joy; with the second sip, satisfaction; with the third sip, peace; with the fourth, a Danish.

Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without problems. What would you talk about?

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Oy.

There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?

Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have?    Bupkis.

The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others.  

The Tao is not Jewish.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded glen. And sit up straight. You’ll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.
Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.
Each blossom has ten thousand petals.
You might want to see a specialist.

Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

The Torah says, Love your neighbor as yourself.
The Buddha says, There is no self.
So, maybe we’re off the hook.

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5 Responses to Sunday Humor

  1. Peace Out For Unity says:

    A big tough samuria warrior once went to see a little monk.”Monk,” he said,in a voice accustomed to instant obedience,”teach me about heaven and hell !” The monk looked up at this mighty warrior and replied with disdain,”Teach you about heaven and hell ? I wouldn’t teach you about anything.You’re dirty. You stink ! Your blade is rusty.” You’re a disgrace,an embarrassment to the samurai class.” “Get out of my sight ,I can’t stand you.” The samurai was furious. He shook.,got all red in the face,and was speechless with rage. He pulled out his sword and raised it above him,preparing to slay the monk. “That’s hell, said the monk softly. The samurai was over-whelmed. The compassion and surrender of this little man who had offered his life to give this teaching to show him hell ! He slowly put down his sword,filled with gratitude,and suddenly peaceful,”And that’s heaven”,said the monk softly. Have the delegates in Fl. and Mich, found their seats yet ? Have they counted the votes or re-done it yet ? That’s hell ! Has Clinton won yet ? That’ll feel like heaven when she does !

  2. Peace Out For Unity says:

    Let’s go with a little Sunday humor with Obama ! We could all be on a roll ! Did you see his gutter balls? Boweling for strike outs Obama!! yes in deed, hee,hee !

  3. Diane says:

    Those are hilarious, Pamela. Thanks.

  4. Janis says:

    POFU, and if that little kid hadn’t rolled a strike, Barry’s score would have been even lower. 🙂

  5. Diane

    Having read a fair amount of Tibetan Buddhism over the years and having a few Jewish friends who love to tell Jewish parables I got a big laugh out these. I needed it after two days of painting and cleaning and falling behind on other work.