Worldwide Service Outage! Service Restored.

From a close friends European source:

Dear  World:

We, the United States of America, your top quality supplier of ideals  of democracy, would like to apologize for our 2001-2008 interruption in service. The technical fault that led to this eight-year service outage has been located, and the software responsible was replaced November 4. Early tests of the newly installed program indicate that we are now operating correctly, and we expect it to be fully functional on January 20. We apologize for any inconvenience caused by the outage. We look forward to resuming full service and hope to improve in years to come. We thank you for your patience and  understanding,

Sincerely,
THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA