Righties Rape ‘Rape’

In case you missed it, I’m away from blogging while finishing a book project. But sometimes I can’t keep quiet in the face of madness. This is one of those times.


(click for larger)

Andrew Malcolm — who blogs for the Los Angeles Times — is a GOP hack. I’ve established that at length, elsewhere — a fading hack, former GW Bush campaign staffer and Laura Bush’s press flak in 2000, he crouches in his cubicle, waiting for the grinding whirr of the fax machine, as the RNC, or his neo-con media masters send him his talking points, without which he would have no idea as to what to write — or whom to wrong.

Think I’m being unfair to him? No: I’m merely using HIS rhetorical style to describe the senile old fart. Consider this from his latest ravings [emphasis added]:

Maybe it’s just the tempting ratings window of no longer going up against NBC’s Juggernaut Jay and being the also-ran of late-night television.

But CBS’ David Letterman told a real howler on nationwide TV Monday night that drew gasps from some parents and now a scathing rebuttal from the nation’s most famous pitbull hockey mom — and dad.

Look at the emotional language: “Also-ran” (loser) “howler” (monkeys, prepare to fling feces) and “gasps” (aim feces) “scathing” (ooh, this is gonna be good”). And consider this buzzword abomination of a phrase: “the nation’s most famous pitbull hockey mom — and dad.

OK. I’ll give. Was THAT what Michael Vick was convicted of? Pitbull hockey?


Monkey Hockey

I can understand how you could train pitbulls to “skate” on ice, but how could they hold hockey sticks and hit a puck?


Polar Bear Hockey

And by “mom — and dad,” I take it they have something to do with breeding pitbulls?

(Any other interpretation would be grotesque, in this case, but, alas, in this case grotesque interpretations ARE the case.)

The ridiculous ridiculer continues his ridicule ridiculously; Malcolm:

Noting that Alaska’s Republican Gov. Sarah Palin and her daughter attended a New York Yankees game over the weekend with famous Yankee fan Rudy Giuliani, Letterman said:

One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game, during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez.

Letterman, until recently an unwed father, has often made his disdain clear for the former GOP VP nominee, who had several damaging interviews with CBS during the general election campaign last September.

Yes. CBS is personally out to get Sarah Palin. That’s the clear inference here, and other interpretations are absurd. Consider the logical premises and the conclusion that is presented (leaving you to do the math) in our sillygism (OK: sorites, which is a syllogism with more than two terms); the form is the classical syllogism, demagogue style: All men are mortal; Socrates is a man, therefore, all men are Socrates.)

a. David Letterman viciously attacked Sarah Palin with a joke.

b. David Letterman is a formerly immoral person (?)

c. David Letterman has clear “disdain” for Sarah Palin.

d. CBS ran “damaging” interviews with Sarah Palin during the last election. (The verbal construction here is cunning: “the former GOP VP nominee, who had several damaging interviews with CBS during the general election campaign last September.”)

e. (implicit) CBS intended to “damage” Sarah Palin.

f. (implicit) David Letterman is on CBS

All right: YOU DO THE MATH …

Uh, This is all a plot by CBS to destroy pitbull hockey mom Sarah Palin?


Pitbull Hockey

Or, Carrie Prejean, where are you now that we need you? (Oh, er … whoops!)

But this is the first time in memory he’s taken on the teenage daughter of the governor, on the left in the above photo….

(See photo at top.)

And, weirdly, the LA Times blog chooses to use this photo of David Letterman with a beard, which he only ever wore for a week on camera, and never while Sarah Palin was a topic or guest. Curiouser and curiouser:


Bearded Letterman from LA Times blog

Malcolm’s title? “Aging man, 62, jokes about girl, 14 (Letterman on Willow Palin)” — just in case you might think that the old duffer isn’t selling the talking point with every fiber of his nothingness.

Now, it’s clear that the joke is a play on the famous non-abstinence of Palin’s daughter who was presented as somehow “moral” on the GOP Convention stage in Minneapolis last September, the most astonishing act of political chutzpah (from the “morals” party) since Newt resigned for banging his secretary while leading the charge to Impeach Clinton for banging his intern.

When it comes to sexual hypocrisy, American politics is an equal opportunity destroyer. Except that it isn’t.

Remember John Edwards? How the media gleefully dragged him and his wife out into the public stoning square and plastered them with spitballs after the National Enquirer stalked him to a hotel in Los Angeles?

the boys

Well, the Enquirer was “right,” in a factual sense. The argument can be made that as a non-candidate, it was inappropriate for the “legitimate” press to turn it into a circus. That was an editorial choice. But when the SAME National Enquirer dug up the details of Sarah Palin’s affair with her husband’s former business partner, crickets.


Not sure what she’s referring to in photo

And the stalking of her former brother-in-law, the charging the state for being at home, and so on and so forth. How come nobody’s asked about those infamous silk boxer shorts, since you cannot donate underwear, and other intimate apparel, and I seriously doubt that the GOP demanded it back to destroy.

Think about that one: how many thousands of dollars of stockings, bras, etc. ended up back in Wasilla?

Anyway, if, after the long national nightmare that Bristol Palin’s knocked uppedness, her hockey player impregnator, his mom’s arrest on drug charges, him on Tyra, Bristol on TODAY, etc etc. — if that long national nightmare had NOT happened, then Bristol’s morals shouldn’t be fair game for late night comedy.

But it was and she is.

And, face it, folks, it’s a NOTHING joke. Stuff like that happens on late night with every public figure, every politician. Nothing to see here, move along, move along.

But Sarah Palin is some kind of … of what? Virgin? Madonna? Paragon of virtue? Role model for women? Sacrosanct Icon? American Idol?

All right: if ANYBODY ought not be lecturing people about ethical lapses, it’s Sarah Palin. But forget a joke about the infamous tomcatting of Alex Rodriguez and the female equivalent of Sarah Palin’s single mother daughter.


Bristol Palin at the Republican Convention 2008

Satanically, the joke is reinterpreted, well, let Mr. Malcolm speak for the Rightie collective (the same fax, refracted prismatic through the Rightie blogosmear™) on a page entitled sarah-palin-david-letterman-cbs-rape.html :

In a statement to Fox News, Palin called the comments “inappropriate” and “sexually perverted” and ones Letterman would not “dare make” about anyone else’s daughter.

The governor added:

“Acceptance of inappropriate sexual comments about an underage girl, who could be anyone’s daughter, contributes to the atrociously high rate of sexual exploitation of minors by older men who use and abuse others.”

Willow’s father, Todd, added his thoughts:

Any ‘jokes’ about raping my 14-year-old are despicable. Alaskans know it, and I believe the rest of the world knows it, too.

(Weird that “thoughts” isn’t in quotation marks in that sentence.)


Rape? RAPE?!!??!?

psycho scream

Yes, Virginia, rape.

But nobody seems able to wrap their head ’round just how UGLY that accusation is.

The mental contortions necessary to get from Bristol Palin’s oh-so-public unwed motherness (when her Mom was holding herself up as Mrs. Morals) to “rape joke” are instructive.

First, shift the focus from Bristol to the YOUNGER daughter, who was presumably present at Yankees Stadium (was she?) and INTENTIONALLY misinterpret the joke:

One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game, during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez.

The joke’s writers didn’t know– or care probably — which of the Palin daughters were in attendance, because none of CBS’ late night viewers would know or probably care, either. The facts of the Palin “abstinence” scandal are a matter of widespread public knowledge.

And the notion that Letterman was making the joke about the 14-year-old is laughably absurd on the face of it. And yet …

The slight ambiguity was carefully pounced on — as though this were a dirty tricks political campaign, and not a late night joke show — and then came the legal tricks (which gives a clue as to who fashioned this PR campaign, obviously a lawyer)* to turn “knocked-up” into “raped.”

[* Remember: The invisible hand always leaves a footprint. In this case, the lawyer’s elide described below. ]


You see, one of the oldest tricks in legal cases is to characterize the issue as in “comments of a sexual nature” and then use THAT term exclusively.

I once pored through over 1,000 pages of legal documents in a case that I sealed for the New Mexico Highway Department’s Legal Office to find out WHAT the “comments of a sexual nature” actually were. They were astonishingly innocuous.*

[* But cost the state half a million dollars and the promise that the records would be sealed and everything kept a secret.]

In much the same way as Letterman’s joke.

The joke is never repeated, only “characterized.” Letterman’s “sexual comments.”

“Ooooh, sex! (goodie!!)” the public clamors. (And sells “papers.”)


OK. First we pick the wrong daughter. Not the 18 year old with the astonishingly embarrassing situation that mother “Abstinence” is trying to turn into political lemonade. No: the 14 year old.

Next, we interpret the joke to mean that Alex Rodriguez had sex with her during the baseball game.

But, since a fourteen year old is four years below the “age of consent” and, in the law, if you can’t give your consent, it is, therefore a “rape,” although in this case it’s called “statutory rape,” because the underage persons involved in said cases often DID give their consent, except that, by law, they’re not allowed to.

Yes. Confusing. But it makes a sense, in CONTEXT: In a legal proceeding, in a courtroom.

the boyss

But now, you appropriate that term from a courtroom and apply it (shortening “statutory rape” to merely “rape”) and creating the bizarre interpretation from the original innocuous joke that …

New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez walked into the stands and RAPED [sexually penetrated and impregnated] an unwilling fourteen year old girl. (???)


(What? Nobody stopped him? Wasn’t Todd Palin right there in the stands? Was he rendered unconscious? Were we all laughing at that interpretation of Letterman’s joke? And where is Rod Serling, now that we so desperately need his framing narration?)

I don’t think Todd Palin is twisted enough, or sophisticated (in the precise and ancient sense of “sophist”) enough to have ginned up that sound bite on his own. It takes some real mental gymnastics to get from the joke to “rape,” and I don’t think Todd’s got that kind of mental physique.

Suddenly, David Letterman is being given the “Dan Rather” treatment.

Because, while they are rife with would-be lawyers, the talking heads news and the blogosmear™, are happy to accuse David Letterman of “rape.”

And that — aside from its rapine linguistic formulation — is a profound disservice to every woman who has EVER been raped. (And note how nearly all the conversation is being carried on by men. As with the abortion ‘debate’ of the past few weeks.)


Bristol and Levi, parents-to-be

To casually equate their horrific experiences with the following joke, only after the most tortuous of semantic parsing tricks is monstrous and betrays a monstrous intent:

One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game, during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez.

But, listen to the fulmination from our monstrous moral morons:

Caitlin Taylor / The Note: Palin vs. Letterman
Gateway Pundit: Letterman Says He Wasn’t Talking About Palin’s 14 Year-Old Getting …
theblogprof: Video: MSNBC’s Contessa Brewer Schooled By John Ziegler Over …
Fausta / Fausta’s Blog: Video: Vile Letterman, “these people are upset”
Chris Wysocki / WyBlog: Boycott Letterman and his advertisers
Michael Saul / NY Daily News: Sarah Palin attacks David Letterman over ‘sexually-perverted’ joke
Toby Harnden / Toby Harnden’s blog listings: David Letterman kinda sorta, well not really, apologises to Sarah Pali n
jillstanek.com: Letterman vs. Palin and decency
Victor Davis Hanson / The Corner: Letterman in His Dotage — Letterman attacked in crass sexual terms …
Videmus Omnia / Conservatives4Palin.com: BUMPED: Letterman Makes Another Sex “Joke” …

You have GOT to be kidding me. On behalf of “women”???

Allahpundit / Hot Air: Letterman: When I joked about Palin’s daughter having sex, I meant Bristol, not Willow — A sneak preview of tonight’s monologue from EW. He wasn’t joking about her 14-year-old daughter being a prostitute, silly. He was joking about her 18-year-old daughter being a prostitute. Perfectly legal.
Michelle Malkin: Letterman to Palin: Now that I’ve trashed your family, come on my show!
Dan / Riehl World View: Letterman Issue Might Not Go Away
Moe Lane / RedState: I’m glad that you found that funny, Letterman.
Mac Ranger / Macsmind: Letterman’s Lame and Self-Serving “Apology” to Sarah Palin
Aye Chihuahua / Flopping Aces: MSNBC Interviewer Cuts the Mic When Discussing Letterman …
Moe Lane / Moe_Lane’s blog: Caleb covers the first step in the Letterman dance…
Scott / Power Line: David Letterman explains
Allison McGevna / Fox News: David Letterman Slammed For Sex Jokes About Palin’s Teen Daughter
Jimmie / The Sundries Shack: Letterman “Explains” His Rape Joke; Fails Miserably.
Gateway Pundit: NY Times Airbrushes Letterman’s Willow Palin Sex Jokes From Their Website
Tim Blair: HE CAN SEE BRISTOL FROM HIS STUDIO — David Letterman’s bizarre …
Dan / Riehl World View: CBS Altered Letterman Transcript, Not New York Times
Andy Barr / The Politico: Palin smacks down Letterman again
Francis Beckwith / What’s Wrong with the World: Why is David Letterman walking funny?
Susan Duclos / Wake up America: Palin On Letterman’s ‘Perverted’ Jokes
Tom Maguire / JustOneMinute: So Alan Colmes Is An Idiot
Mike / Cold Fury: Letterman apologizes: sorry your daughter’s a witless whore, Sarah
John Nolte / Big Hollywood: Top Ten Possible Letterman Reactions to Fallout Over Willow Palin Rape ‘Joke’

And only three progressive blogs respond:

David Neiwert / Crooks and Liars: Contessa Brewer cuts the mic! …
Ron Chusid / Liberal Values: David Letterman Responds To Right Wing Smears
Alan Colmes’ Liberaland: Palin’s Top Two List About Letterman: “Disgusting” And “Pathetic”*

[Hmmm. Where are all those who dismissed Colmes as window-dressing? At least he’s present on the field of rhetorical combat.]


Seriously, folks, how do you get from The Late Show‘s Alex Rodriguez joke to putting these words in David Letterman’s mouth:

sorry your daughter’s a witless whore, Sarah

And how was this innocuous joke about a family eminently deserving of jokes about their “morality” turned into a concerted campaign aimed at David Letterman (who has done the obligatory apology and invited Palin on the show)?

For what purpose? (Because you don’t align the rightie bloggers like so many iron filings on a piece of paper with a magnet underneath it for no purpose whatsoever.) Ay, there’s the rub: Why?


Palin no longer attends “Holy Roller”Church

My money’s on William Kristol or his leash-holder. Seems like a Goldfarbian sleaze campaign, but that’s just a guess. Five’ll get you ten that whoever’s behind it receives regular paychecks from Murdoch, but that’s just speculation. Still, the whole media machine rolled out to push Palin back into the public eye seems formidable.

So, what’s the angle? (Or, in this case, the foot?)

Meantime (in the Mean Time), the ever-creepy Don Surber (who blogs for a British paper from his cave in West Virginia) throws his log of unreason onto this latest Bonfire of the Hannitys:

don surber

Don Surber: Why the left ridicules women — Too many American liberals cannot handle a strong, good-looking, intelligent, independent woman who disagrees with them — and so they make the crude, cruel and sexist remarks — including those about raping them or their 14-year-old daughters….

And the so-called “mainstream media” like the Los Angeles Times acts as though this were legitimate news. And aids and abets vicious nonsense. Collaborators they used to be called.

As Joseph Welch told Senator “Tailgunner Joe” McCarthy at the Army-McCarthy hearings 55 years and three days ago:

You’ve done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?

Uh, ‘no’ I guess.



UPDATE: I’m not sure who’s crazier, Politico‘s Ben “John Edwards is going to end his campaign (December 07)” Smith for reporting it, or Sarah Palin for writing it:

June 11, 2009
Palin keeping daughter away from Letterman
By Ben Smith 11:47 AM

David Letterman apologized last night for a joke about one of Sarah Palin’s daughters, though he insisted it was the elder daughter.

Palin’s spokeswoman Meg Stapleton doesn’t seem to be accepting the apology, and includes an insinuation of her own about Letterman in an email to me just now:

“The Palins have no intention of providing a rating’s [sic] boost for David Letterman by appearing on his show. Plus, it would be wise to keep Willow away from David Letterman.”

Seriously, Sarah Palin thinks David Letterman will attempt to have sex with Willow Palin? Has she actually lost the little bit of a mind that she had?

Or, as Goya might say, were he alive today: The sleep of reason breeds Rightie bloggers.

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About Hart Williams

Mr. Williams grew up in Wyoming, Nebraska, Kansas and New Mexico. He lived in Hollywood, California for many years. He has been published in The Washington Post, The Kansas City Star, The Santa Fe Sun, The Los Angeles Free Press, Oui Magazine, New West, and many, many more. A published novelist and a filmed screenwriter, Mr. Williams eschews the decadence of Hollywood for the simple, wholesome goodness of the plain, honest people of the land. He enjoys Luis Buñuel documentaries immensely.
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