Schizoid in Barbieland

Arose early to watch Venus (and Mars) in the dawn sky; took a minute to watch the vomitous “Morning Joe” on MSNBC. Scarborough is quite a bit less obnoxious than he was back in the pre-Iraq-war launch, when he was trying to play Glenn Beck, but that’s only comparing types of fecal matter: it’s still crap, any way you want to slice it.

And some fashion-model-type of bloviator was holding forth on what President Obama had to do in his speech tomorrow night, blah blah blah. In the seemingly endless televised visual clutter all over the screen, I made out that she was a former “senior advisor” to the John McCain campaign, which is probably actually BS.

She’s an out-of-work Republican spokesmodel.

Here’s the thesis statement and then allow me a digression on GOP and network Barbie® dolls: They’re trying to have it both ways.

While their Barbie dolls, and public faces (Newt Gingrich) suddenly pooh-pooh the “extremism” of those who’ve succeeded in boycotting and shutting down the President’s back-to-school speech to schoolchildren today, the gargoyles of their blogosmear™ squall indignantly that the MSM didn’t cover their auto-da-fé of Van Jones. Some pricks even continue to pile on with NEW revelations. They won the “debate” — entirely and frighteningly carried on within their increasingly independent bubble of “reality” — but they’re still kicking Van Jones in the ribs when he’s already on the ground.

There’s no place outside of a Cheney “hunting” trip where that’s not the pathology of sadism. But not only are they sore losers, they’re sore winners as well.

But the Barbie dolls are out there pooh-poohing the “indoctrination” meme, because they realized that actual real Americans were noticing that it was B** F*** CRAZY.

Can’t sell snake oil if they think you’re nuts.

But where the heck were they last week?

(Hoping that the meme would work as part of their “Borgia” strategy of slowly poisoning everything that their “Not My President” says — but only speaking up when it is too late to affect the slander and the cowing of school boards and administrators, that’s where.)

But, having won, the actual grotesques that populate the Right Wing Screech Machine can’t stop: another great chance to attack the “liberal bias” in the mainstream media. Good luck on that one, zombies. Next you’ll be going after unicorns, gryphons and all the OTHER mythological creatures.

Meantime, the Barbie dolls purr the ugliness that is the Republican party position: the cultus of the Alpha Male. Face it, the current GOP is, as constituted, of, by and for Angry White Men who dream that one day they will be alpha males and rich ones at that. Without that, you could never get dumb farmers to vote to enrich their exploiters (you know the old saying: everybody makes money off the crop, except the farmer), dumb working slobs to vote to give their employers huge tax cuts while their own real income stagnates and drops.

So, where do the Barbie dolls come in?

Good question. I refuse to believe that only pretty girls who are sexually attractive are the only policy analysts or women able to articulate rational positions. And yet, they now dominate televised coverage. And all the spokesmodels of the GOP are either attractive women or attractive black men, following the J.C. Watts model of figureheading a party that (demonstrably) hates your ni**er GUTS. (Consider Michael Steele.)

As does that party that has not the slightest interest in the needs of Barbie dolls. But, as Gloria Steinem — with whom I am not generally in agreement — perceptively noted, “conservative” and “liberal” tend to be functions of relative social power.

Young men start out powerless, and tend to be liberal. But, as local politician Jerry Rust pointed out, “Inside every Democrat is a Republican waiting to hit the lottery.” As those men gain wealth and power, they become conservative: “I did it. And, anybody else who works hard like me can.”

It is a creed and a rationalization, but there is zero actual real world evidence for it. They simply want to preserve the system that made them powerful, or, more tellingly, that they’ve been told to dream MIGHT make them powerful. (Which is why they support the Health Insurance companies over their own personal interests in the great debate we’re about to have — assuming the hooligans don’t derail it altogether, the GOP’s sole strategy in this policy “debate.”)

And when a pretty young woman still has a tight vagina, smooth skin and firm breasts, she’s at the peak of HER social power. Which is why pretty Barbie dolls make common cause with mummified old Methuselahs and young men make common cause with powerless crones. Conservative and Liberal, even though the transition from powerless young man to power mad old fart is far less painful than the rude awakening from trophy wife to fading barfly.

The networks all noticed that pretty women reading the news drew more viewers than men reading the same news with baritone “authority” voices infused with gravitas. And, thus, we get Katie Couric as CBS News anchor.


Newsbabes on parade

I applaud ABC for naming Dianne Sawyer their new anchor and MSNBC for hiring Rachel Maddow, since neither has the tits for normal news.

Yes, Virginia, tits.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but slowly, imperceptibly, cleavage and a lower and lower camera focus has been creeping — with all the slow inevitability of a glacier — into the news. The Naked News jumped the gun on this, but they got it essentially right. There’s even blog devoted to “anchor babes.”


They’re not trying to show off Juliet Huddy’s legs. Nosirree.

We live in a society in which sexual stimulation — especially completely inappropriate sexual stimulation — is the number one vehicle for selling snake oil. We sell chewing gum and toothpaste, dishwashing soap and tanning butter with sex. We sell ANYTHING with sex because our society, our celebrity society is predicated on “LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!” — like the weltanschauung of any three-year-old. (Along with “IT’S MINE! IT’S MY MONEY! IT’S MINE!” which is the entire remaining philosophical position of the GOP: no taxes, ever.)

Thus have tits replaced gravitas in the desperate grab for viewers that our commercialized news has evolved into from the formerly “public service” prime directive necessary to obtain a broadcast license to use the public airwaves.


A couple more inches and it’ll be “pubic service”

Now broadcast news has become “broad” cast news, and she’d better have nice tits and show a little cleavage. If we can get her out from behind that desk to show her gams, so much the better.

robin meade-CNN

Robin Meade of CNN – Showing off her “journalistic integrity”

What do they want? Men to masturbate while watching the news?


Consider the sexual attractiveness of a Nancy Pfotenhauer or a Michelle Bachman, or a late Barbara Olson, or a Sarah Palin, versus the gravitas of a Hillary Clinton or a Donna Brazille.

The Barbies spout the talking points. Just pull their string. The Democratic Demoselles are actual women. Real, non-sexual, not there as eye candy WOMEN.

I prefer the latter, but then, I seem to be in a minority. I thought that Katie Couric was a lightweight when CBS hired her AS eye candy (and don’t you think that they didn’t), and she’s proven my point.

Of course, when I say something like that, the REAL women foolishly say I’m being sexist, when I actually would prefer REAL women with REAL brains to Barbie dolls spouting masculinist talking points. They’re there to sell, just as the skimpily clad models are at boat and car shows. Just like the legendary bikini models of the Snap On Tools calendars. Inappropriate? Yes. Effective? Evidently.

rigid tool

Evidently, it’s to make your tool rigid

How dare you criticize a vicious pimping of women who are cast aside the second that they are no longer on the sexually attractive A-list?*

[* Just because they’re too stupid to realize that they’re going to be used and discarded is no reason to carp. This is the FREE MARKET. This is the Invisible Hand — copping a feel.]

snapon girl

Hey, big boy! Want some of this … policy?

And, parenthetically, is it any wonder, with all this inappropriate stroking of the prostate gland (which only knows to instinctively respond to the visual sexual signals being used to sell items having nothing to do with its function), is it any wonder that prostate cancer is epidemic in our society– just as lung cancer became epidemic as cigarette smoking became all-encompassing?*

[* At the turn of the 20th century, cigarettes were virtually unheard of. Smoking, historically, was the province of cigars and pipes, neither of which were inhaled because of the harshness of the smoke on the lungs. Ulysses S. Grant, a voracious cigar smoker, died of throat cancer, undoubtedly from cigars.]

And, is it surprising that Breast Cancer is given high social priority when its incidence is FAR lower than prostate cancer, because we loves looking at them titties?


Working her way through to a political science degree

So, tickle me prostate and pay me no taxes.

Welcome to the modern GOP. Not the “Party of Lincoln” — which has become an obscene joke to those with eyes that see and ears that hear — but, rather, the Party of Nixon, as represented by sockpuppet and Original Spokesmodel Ronnie Ray-Gun.


Selling poison — Typecasting?

Send the pretty girls out there to sell the varicose geezers’ need to keep all the money, and avoid any regulation that might make their grasping, lascivious greed and gluttony fairer or more equitable.

They are not INTERESTED in equality. They are only interested in DOMINANCE.

Which is actually a very old conflict in American society, as is evident in the Constitution: the Senate, because we can’t trust the rabble.

But today, having taken Van Jones’ “scalp” — as the Huffington Post writer inappropriately metaphorizes — they are not happy. They screech at Obama’s “indoctrination” while looking for new prey. Their new little Adolph*, Glenn Beck wants to go after Cass Sunstein — specifically because he’s a personal friend of the President’s — JUST to hurt the President personally.

[* No, I’m not breaking Godwin’s Law. This is PRECISELY the Brown Shirt technique of the 1930s: stifle debate through brutality and intimidation. The Michelle Malkins, Anne Coulters and Nancy Pfotenhauers are the new Snap On Tool Girls AND the new Brown Shirts. Hey: if the jackboot fits …]


Taking a break from her obsessive hate-screeds

Because we no longer have an American President. We have THEIR president, and OUR president. And the GOP has abrogated the fundamental covenant that makes our government work. The entire Constitution — which is, face it, a contract — is predicated on our acceptance of the results of elections.

Not anymore. The three-year-old priorities are pushed forward by their Barbie dolls (who are pooh-poohing their sore winnerdom) and the sore winners whose motto remains, “It takes a pillage.”

Barbarians, we call them.

(Here’s a classic “having it both ways” screed from one of the pasty-faced, non-videogenic thugs today: it was bad when you did it, so, therefore it’s OK for us to do it.)

As they continue to hire Barbie dolls and Black Ken dolls to be the “face” of a party that accepts neither’s agendas nor needs. Wham, bam, thank you Ma’am!

megyn kelly

Hitting for the cycle: spokesmodel, Brown Shirt, news “anchor”

So, here we sit, schizoid in Barbie land. Barbies or Barbarians: political pornography or political intimidation — is this actually a choice?

Of course not.

“Hey, isn’t that nice cleavage on that Faux Nooz chick? Guess it’s really COLD in that studio! Heh heh.”

And what have we learned from all of this?

Never let your right wing know what your far right wing is doing.

But, then again, you can’t fly when you’ve only got one wing. You just flap around in circles.

Barbie circles, I guess. Right Black Ken?

Whatever you say, boss.


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About Hart Williams

Mr. Williams grew up in Wyoming, Nebraska, Kansas and New Mexico. He lived in Hollywood, California for many years. He has been published in The Washington Post, The Kansas City Star, The Santa Fe Sun, The Los Angeles Free Press, Oui Magazine, New West, and many, many more. A published novelist and a filmed screenwriter, Mr. Williams eschews the decadence of Hollywood for the simple, wholesome goodness of the plain, honest people of the land. He enjoys Luis Buñuel documentaries immensely.
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