2012 – The Twinkiepocalypse

James Alexander Dewar, creator of the Twinkie, must surely stir in his Eternal Rest.

According to the John Galt benefactors of humanity who run Hostess (Twinkies, Dolly Madison, Ding dongs, Wonder Bread, ad nauseum, literally), their business decisions are not to blame for shutting down the company — 18,500 workers, 33 bakeries, fleets of trucks, etc. etc. — it’s those gosh-darned moocher workers. It’s a scene right out of any Ayn Rand novel:

Twinkies Maker Hostess Going Out of Business, CEO Blames Union Strike
“It’s over.  This is it,” Gregory Rayburn tells “Today.”  —  Hostess, the makers of Twinkies, Ding Dongs and Wonder Bread, is going out of business after striking workers failed to heed a Thursday deadline to return to work, the company said.

Because, as we all know, workers have their boots on the throat of entrepreneurs in America, and poor people caused the mortgage collapse, and illegal immigrants FORCE white businessmen to hire them at slave wages and fire their American workers.

I will not attempt to outstrip the spirited debate sure to ensue on Faux Nooz about how “restructuring expert” Rayburn was whipsawed by all those clever Twinkie bakers and their wily Dolly Madison allies. It’s sure to be as intellectually nutritious as was Wonder (bubble) Bread “Helps Build Strong Bodies 12 Ways!”

Hostess said that production at about a dozen of the company’s 33 plants had been seriously affected by the strike. Three plants were closed earlier this week.

The privately held company filed for Chapter 11 protection in January, its second trip through bankruptcy court in less than a decade. The company cited increasing pension and medical costs for employees as one of the drivers behind its latest filing. Hostess had argued that workers must make concessions for it to exit bankruptcy and improve its financial position.

The company, founded in 1930, was fighting battles beyond labor costs, however. Competition is increasing in the snack space and Americans are increasingly conscious about healthy eating. Hostess also makes Dolly Madison, Drake’s and Nature’s Pride snacks.

what you’ll be missing

But the Twinkiepocalypse predicted in The Book of Heaviousities is surely upon us.

Mark your calendars.



A writer, published author, novelist, literary critic and political observer for a quarter of a quarter-century more than a quarter-century, Hart Williams has lived in the American West for his entire life. Having grown up in Wyoming, Kansas and New Mexico, an honorary Texan, Clown (ditto) and a veteran of Hollywood, Mr. Williams currently lives in Oregon, along with an astonishing amount of pollen. He has a lively blog His Vorpal Sword. This is cross-posted from his blog.

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About Hart Williams

Mr. Williams grew up in Wyoming, Nebraska, Kansas and New Mexico. He lived in Hollywood, California for many years. He has been published in The Washington Post, The Kansas City Star, The Santa Fe Sun, The Los Angeles Free Press, Oui Magazine, New West, and many, many more. A published novelist and a filmed screenwriter, Mr. Williams eschews the decadence of Hollywood for the simple, wholesome goodness of the plain, honest people of the land. He enjoys Luis Buñuel documentaries immensely.
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