The Problem with the Bahmas

His face flushed, his cheeks puffing half-syllables of super-heated air, Sen. Porkbelly Fishbottom was about to swallow an aneurysm. I threw water on his face, trying to cool him. It just sputtered and sizzled. I tried quietly talking to him, trying to calm him down. He wasn’t listening. After five minutes, I was about to call 911 to report a stroke victim, when he said his first two-syllable word. “Bahma!” “Bama?” I asked. “Something wrong in Alabama? Is the school cancelling its professional football team?” “Bahma!” he said, spitting out both syllables. His fire-red cheeks drained into his neck, leaving a pasty-white face. He was returning to normal, and there would be no need to call out a $2,500 lifeflight … Continue reading